Dumb Shit the Bible Says

"And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den."

— Isaiah 11:8

At first read, you're like, "Um, gross pedo Jesus. Stay away from my children." But hold on a second, it's all about context. Asp and cockatrice refer to cobras and vipers respectively. WAIT, THAT'S NOT BETTER. Regardless of whether or not a child is nursing, you should keep it far the fuck away from any sort of snake's hole and/or den.